I have used my bot to create Olive Garden commercials. This is a bot I have. Don't question it.
Following America's defeat in World War 3, allied forces uncovered a number of experimental weapon prototypes in the hotel-compound of Trump's loyalist Space Force army. Had the war continued just a few more months, these secret weapons would have changed the course of the war.
Extremely proud over here! The bosses took notice and I have been promoted to 20 cages!!
Mr. Sakurai-sama, where the FRICK is Dino Riki!?
Susan Kath of Bethesda Game Studios handed me a polka-dotted can of mixed peanuts. When I opened it, a number of paper snakes sprung out into my face.
Still think it's a joke when a man takes his lunch into the bathroom, Brenda? It's called privacy. Look it up.
Everything to do in our one-horse town outside of the horse.
For what is an ape but a more powerful version of man?
When you die your skin no longer turns to beef jerky. Now your hollowed flesh grows increasingly supple and sexy, with ultra realistic pores, TressFX body hair, and sweat tech that puts the latest NBA game to shame.
If you are 35 and you are not integrated into the Gigathrax then you are not ready to retire.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
We were able to recently sit down and interview the men's rights icon, Jordan Peterson, in this exclusive interview.
The social justice mob has once again turned into the Nazis to silence bigotry. When will they learn???
This local car commercial has ruined my entire brain. Now it's your turn.
Gervais sauntered into an English class wearing a pair of shades. He asked whether "couldn't care less" or "could care less" best demonstrated how little he cared about people offended by his comedy, then flipped both middle fingers and left before the professor could answer.
The Internet is abuzz about a new viral video. Let's break down "This is Gonna Hurt" by Hoobastank.
The first thing you learn as a Ghost Hunter: You can't kill a ghost with a traditional bow and arrow. You've got to dip the arrowheads in poison.
Sensitive to pure iron?? Filled with burning desire to sculpt pottery? Unable to cross salt lines? You are either a ghost or have crushing OCD. Read this FAQ to figure out if you are a disembodied spirit, and what you can do about it!
One girl's decision to go as a Predator to prom set the Internet ablaze with outrage. And that's a good thing!
Grab your bootstraps and give them a good yank for this inspiring tale of prosperity.
Scan the room for a reporter with an obvious physical handicap. Gleefully contort your body to mock them like you're the absolute worst five year old on the planet. Hey, you're just telling it like it is!
This is serious: Commander William T. Riker has committed some disgusting acts and it is time he face real punishment from Starfleet.
It's time to get a new TV. Your old one was made like two years ago, and so much has changed. You might as well be looking at a dinosaur's butthole. Why would you keep doing that, when you could be looking at a robot's butthole?
This libtard terminator keeps asking for guns that don't exist and I may have to close early out of frustration.
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
"God of War is the realization of our collective hopes and dreams, not just as gamers, but as gamer-citizens."
I have been accused of many things and my words have been tooken out of context please forgive me and unban me from twitch + roblox.
I'm Max Martin, the Swedish songwriter behind "Baby One More Time," "I Kissed A Girl" and pretty much every hit single of the last twenty years. You might think an ear for melody like mine is a wonderful gift. But you're wrong.
It's nearly been a year since we last checked in on the internet's most terrible ads. What changed? Not much.
Scandal swirls around EPA head Scott Pruitt, but only one of his scandals is interesting.
HEY MAN YOU LOOKIN FOR TABS ? DYLAN WILL GET YOU TABS. HOW MANY TABS YOU WANT ?? BECAUSE DYLAN GOT THEM ALL
Pinfalls have been changed from the standard 3 count to a far more dramatic 300 count. Several times per match, a pinned wrestler musters the strength to miraculously break free after the referee reaches 299.
We must put a stop to Laura Ingraham's offensive show! Join me in a boycott!
I am absolutely thrilled that there is a theme park containing row upon row of customer feedback boxes, stretching out for acres in every direction. What a delight!
BREAKING NOW: a story so dangerous that there are those within our government that might kill to keep it from getting out.
Ma'am, what if I told you I have the miracle of a lifetime right here in this briefcase?
TEH SOCIAL MEDIA FASTBOOK STOLE MY DATA. SOLD IT TOO A HOG CON GAME. WHERED MY DATA GO??>? WHO TEH HELL KNOWS! IM IN DIGITAL HELL
Games Workshop is looking for samples from aspiring Warhammer authors. Since my biggest dream in life is to have a book published, I put together this submission. Fingers crossed!
Levi Johnston confronts his own mortality and offers his support for a new candidate for president.
Self-driving pizza delivery cars were an invention never meant for this world.
A 20ft wall was never going to cut it. We brainstormed like hurricanes and the results are - in all modesty - completely foolproof options for keeping immigrants out.
INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE - The personification of flopsweat, MR. FREEZE (Sean Bean) desperately tries to impress a group of experienced outlaws with cold-themed puns.
Big trouble is coming and you have to be ready to go with a moment's notice.
Yessir, if this family continues to not mention past incidents, Costco could give us all a new lease on life.
Are two squashed cafeteria rolls and a forlorn clump of grey meatfat biscotti on a sea of butcher paper really taking over the world?
Levi Johnston's stint at the Department of Housing and Urban Development leads to serious consequences for Dr. Ben Carson.
In most games you'd hop into your mech and shoot the giant alien bugs until they fell over. Here, you turn Asshole Physics into an art form.
The velvet hoods are now mandatory for all classes and on-campus activities. Do not remove them for any reason.
We're not going to solve gun massacres with bad manners, people.
The guns are gone. Now what happens to all those paper targets? Don't tell me you forgot about the paper targets. The ones hanging from little clips on fancy clotheslines at shooting ranges. With no guns to destroy these legions of paper bastards, they go unchecked.
Grimy horror growler Rob Zombie's scariest music videos finally ranked to warn your children.
As your manager, I couldn't help but notice that productivity is a little low this month, and I think we can leverage this zombie situation to strengthen our teamwork skills.
The only twelve-step program I want to take are the twelve steps it takes to get me out of this room. Give or take a few steps.
Vulture landed an incredible interview with legendary musician and Muppet Rowlf. We break down his wildest claims.
You have four supply, four lemonades, and four profits. You sell them all for two profits. That's pure profit.
All the dirt on the latest thing the President did that you'll forget about in two days.
The Nunes Memo has leaked and it will change the way you view our country forever!
The XFL is coming back in 2020 and I have some ideas for the future of the league.
Cardboard. Seems like an odd material to base a product around, right? You might think it's less durable than plastic, and you're absolutely right. Players won't be able to use Labo inside of a running industrial shredder, as that could potentially damage the cardboard.
Watching a slimy merman and a janitor knock boots for 30 seconds is uncomfortable. Watching that same clip on a loop for days and creating audio for it can break you.
Where is the TomTom Navigator now? 40.7 Latitude, -74 Longitude
Dissatisfied Star Wars fans have taken the women out of the Last Jedi with a new fan edit. They won't stop there.
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
Get in on the ground floor of the hottest new crypto currency sweeping Earthrealm!
Those geniuses in Silicon Valley have done it again and unlocked the true power of chicken.
As you may have heard on the news or from your town crier, all the computer chips stopped working. There was a flaw. It got in there at the very beginning of computers and as chips got faster and smaller the flaw became more powerful and harder to see.
Gentle Creature rescinds his support for Gentle Creature Zuckerberg and turns his attention to the gentlest boy in the whole world.
If global warming is real, why does the Hoth sequence of Empire Strikes Back look exactly the same as it did when the movie first came out?