Nintendo: Put Dino Riki in Smash Bros. or I Will Take My Own Life
Mr. Sakurai-sama, where the FRICK is Dino Riki!?
10 Things You Must Do In Asbestos Creek Before You Die
Everything to do in our one-horse town outside of the horse.
I Would Honestly Love to be Called an Ape
For what is an ape but a more powerful version of man?
This Millennial Proves Hard Work Truly Pays Off
Grab your bootstraps and give them a good yank for this inspiring tale of prosperity.
Barbara Bush: 19??-2018
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
DYLAN WILL GET YOU TABS
HEY MAN YOU LOOKIN FOR TABS ? DYLAN WILL GET YOU TABS. HOW MANY TABS YOU WANT ?? BECAUSE DYLAN GOT THEM ALL
Might I Interest You in Some Q-Tips?
Ma'am, what if I told you I have the miracle of a lifetime right here in this briefcase?
This Costco Membership Could Really Turn Our Family Around
Yessir, if this family continues to not mention past incidents, Costco could give us all a new lease on life.
No One Wants to Get Shot, But You Don't Have to Be Rude About It
We're not going to solve gun massacres with bad manners, people.
You Call THIS an Intervention?
The only twelve-step program I want to take are the twelve steps it takes to get me out of this room. Give or take a few steps.
10 Things Cut from Trump's State of the Union Address
All the dirt on the latest thing the President did that you'll forget about in two days.
Raw Chicken: Silicon Valley's Latest Power Meal
Those geniuses in Silicon Valley have done it again and unlocked the true power of chicken.
Your Three Days After Christmas Shopping Guide
Missed Christmas? Retain your few remaining friendships with our handy guide.
5 Mediocre Christmas Gifts for Your Mediocre Friends
Nothing but the most convenient for the outer rung of your circle of friends.
He's Prim, He's Proper, He's the Serial Killer Next Door
Serial killers: they're just like you and me.
NFL Protests Have Made My Rowdy Friends Significantly Less Rowdy
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
Stern Dad Reviews: Your Arts and Crafts
You tried, but you failed. And I'm here to tell you how in excruciating detail.
Make Halloween Great Again
The scariest thing about Halloween isn't ghouls or ghosts. It's the PC police.
Apologies from the Good Guy with a Gun
You might be disappointed in me, but I'm honestly way more disappointed in myself.
I'll Just Be Over Here, Saying Things
Afraid of ideas and free speech? Well then you better not read this article, coward.
THE BEAT SHEET - The ONLY Newsletter FOR COPS BY COPS
Get the REAL DIRT from BIG BOYS IN BLUE who deal with BAD HOMBRES!
I Only Attended That Nazi Rally for Research Purposes
To be honest, it's extremely insulting to be labeled a "Nazi." Was I marching with several Nazis? Yes. Was I waving a Nazi flag as I marched? Yes, but only out of kindness: I was holding it for another man so he could wave a larger Nazi flag.
A Treatise on Gender by Todd from Accounts Payable
One completely reasonable non-sexist man explains why women shouldn't be tortured by white-collar jobs.
Dear President Oboe IV
I have raised over $300 participating in quilting bees for the American Quilting Bee Society so I think I deserve at least seven minutes of your time.
5 Essential Tips for Mass Transit Travel
Remember, traveling underground in a rickety metal tube full of farts carries its own specific code of conduct.
I'm Pretty Sure this Airbnb is Just a Treehouse
I had to register my complaints while they were still fresh. And while the bark was still fresh and pliable.
A Stoner's Lament
One brave man discovers drugs aren't as accessible as the media would have you believe.
Essential Playerunknown's Battlegrounds Tips
Get good at the hottest online murder simulator with our collection of hints.
Pranks Are Tearing Our Prank Family Apart
Can inflicting severe emotional damage on your own children for profit go too far?
When Is It Okay to Call Someone a "Nazi?"
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
The 10 Real Reasons Steve Bannon Was Removed from the National Security Council
The true reasons behind Bannon's removal may surprise you.
Introducing Kitchen Sponges... for MEN
These sponges will make your hair WHITE and your teeth CURLY.
Six-Year-Old YouTuber Under Fire for Anti-Semitic Comments
A young boy, facing controversy over a joke in a country with "free speech?" Is this even America anymore?
Damn, I'm Outrageous
Yeah, I went there. And I'll go there again. Don't believe me? I'm there ALREADY.
DEBATE ME.
Are you a coward, or do you just have more important things to do? Either way, I'll still destroy you with my logic.
The Pizza Promise
If you don't enter our stores with a gun full of bullets and a brain full of unhinged questions, we'll serve you with a smile.
New Additions to the Island of Misfit Toys
New additions to our favorite collection of plastic freaks.
8 Things the Simpsons Predicted for 2016
All the amazing predictions from The Simpsons that finally came true in 2016.
Can We Get Through One Thanksgiving Without Hearing the Word "Nazi"?
Guess who's coming to Thanksgiving dinner: A literal Nazi.
Editorial: My Joke Vote Matters
My write-in president's gonna make a monkey outta you!
Halloween Candy Safety Tips
Ensure your little ones are safe and relatively poison-free with the following tips designed to keep them healthy, outside of their teeth and blood sugar levels.
An Update from Your Local Halloween Superstore Proprietor
Your local Halloween Superstore is back in town, bringing with it quality products and a plea for sanity from its proprietor.
20 Rejected Hillary Clinton Names for Trump Supporters
As is the case with all political speeches, Hillary Clinton's "basket of deplorables" comment exists as one of thousands of possible options run through high-priced consultants and focus groups. Here are some of them.
Celebrity Speakers Cut from the 2016 Republican National Convention
Take a look at Hollywood's brightest stars who won't be allowed to shine at this year's RNC.
Four Helpful Protesting Tips from a White Person
One man's journey to help the disenfranchised voice their complaints with some civility.
8 Classic Games that Remind Me of My Father's Traumatic Death at My Own Hands
BEEP! BOOP! ZAP! Video games aren't for my dad anymore! Because he's dead.
Justice for Brock Turner's Tummy
It's every father's worst nightmare: A growing boy without a healthy appetite.
About this author
Bob "BobServo" Mackey
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